Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
