I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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