Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
