I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
