I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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