OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
