So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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