my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
