thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
