My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
