i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
