We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
