I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
