I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
