he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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