Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
