either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
