Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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