I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
