whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
...so i touched it.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
