O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
