I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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