Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just gift wrapped bread.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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