More tranny stories later!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
COCAINE IS GR8
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
