i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
