Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
