I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
