Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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