did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
