I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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