If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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