How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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