I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
