So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
