i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
