If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
