Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize