The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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