Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
