oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize