Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
