I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
