then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
