Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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