He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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