Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
