I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize