i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize