you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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