i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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