It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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