How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
