the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
