I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize