I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
