are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
