the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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