some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
