You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
