Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize