Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
