Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize