she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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