So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
