Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
