So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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