But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
