wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
