do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He shit in the fireplace
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
