the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
