P.S. I can't hear my feet
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
