All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In America we eat man semen.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize