Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
