ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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