so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
