shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
