You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize