All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
