ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize