What tipped you off? The sombrero?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize